For Real This Time

Okay, am doing an actual, real blog this time. I got started and then of course, life happens.

In fact, there has been an AMAZING amount of stuff going on since I first began this blog just a short while ago.

I guess I should back up a little bit. On April 10, 2008, I spoke at my friend Lynetta's church in Memphis, Tennessee. April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and I am on the speaker's bureau at http://www.rainn.org/. Lynetta Dent and her husband Lincoln seeded this church about two years ago and are doing incredible work bringing the Lord into the community and getting the community into the Lord. They are really spirit-led and take a very non-traditional approach to church. Make no mistake, they are living in the Word and focused on obedience, they just believe, like I do, that making people feel like crap does not bring them closer to God! Generally speaking, as Christians, I don't think we've done such a great job of promoting how great and amazing it is to be one, but I guess that's another blog for another day . . .

Anyway, this was my first time speaking out in public about my own experience when I was 12. I was nervous, but so ready. I firmly believe that I can and will use my victory over this tragedy to show others that there is so much more out there for us. I knew that speaking at Lynetta's church would be life-changing, I prayed that it would be not only my life that changed, but that God would bring me those that needed to hear the message most. We had a small crowd that night, due to some severe weather in the area, but I knew it was the right small crowd.

I don't have any personal knowledge of the people that were there that night to know whether or not they had been victims themselves, or knew someone who had, or would come to know someone who had. I only know that it was one of the most intense, moving experiences I've ever had. My Heavenly Father was very much present and alive in that place, cheering me on, lifting me up and surrounding me in a love that, as a mere human, I have trouble comprehending. Regardless of the point of view of the people in the audience, I know that there was at least one someone there who needed to hear the words that the Lord gave me to say and I am so humbled and awed that He trusted me to be the vehicle for that message.

Love is so definitely a two-way street, though, and I, too, got what I needed there. After I was done speaking, each person there stood up and told me how they appreciated me for speaking out about my experience. Then, in a gesture of humanity and love that I will never forget, a man named David stood up and told me that, even though he knew he wasn't responsible for the hurt I had suffered, he wanted to personally apologize, as a man and on behalf of all men, for the men that had hurt me. It makes tears come to my eyes even as I write it. What an amazing testimony to the fact that there are indeed still good men in the world. Thank you David!!!

Accepting my authority in God has been something I have struggled with for years. Those little doubts, that little voice of the enemy that says "who do you think you are? do you really think anyone wants to listen to anything you have to say?", all of that got in my way for so long. What I know now for sure is that a) who I think I am is a child of God experiencing victory in His love and mercy and b) even if nobody wants to listen to what I have to say, it's not about that. It's about taking what happened and, through God's love and mercy, turning it into something beautiful and helpful and victorious.

I accept the mission that God has given me and pray that He continues to use me to bring others through the darkness and pain and into the light of joy and love and healing. Lincoln and Lynetta recorded my talk and as soon as I get that cd from them, I'll see if I can figure out how to attach it to the blog. In the meantime, if you or someone you know needs more information on sexual assault or are just interested in how you can help others, please, please, please visit www.rainn.org.

We are rising with healing wings!! Amen!!